Sugar coated person or a genuine human being?

"Remember the next time you decide to give someone a chance whether it be for work or for friendship, go for the real thing and not the sugar-coated one"

These lines triggered some thoughts in my mind on what points to consider in differentiating between the genuine personality and sugar-coated human. Below are my suggestions:

1. One or two observations are not enough to conclude. Take some time.
2. Instead of observing actions, check the habits. Sometimes actions may not portray the genuine inner personality; however habits can predict the character. Because habits trigger repetitive actions which transform into the overall personality. 
3. Sometimes sugar coating is not done because of specific evil benefits instead may be it is because of ethical causes. Don't think negative about such person; appreciate instead.
4. Look for ethical characteristics such as honesty, truthfulness, friendliness, down-to-earth.
5. Instead of using your eyes, use brain. Think logical and think carefully in concluding about someone.

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The Danger of Self-Justification

All of us – to a greater or lesser extent – have a tendency to justify and rationalize our mistakes. It is part of our mindset that makes us try to flee from criticism and from having to make amends. At the very least, we sometimes try to find an excuse for our errors instead of shouldering the full weight of the blame. 

This mindset can surface in all kinds of situations, even in our most private thoughts. It is a mindset bolstered and nourished by emotion, and if it comes to dominate our thinking, we can lose the ability to distinguish right from wrong. 

This is because the power of emotional sentiment and self-interest, when coupled with a self-justifying mindset, is persuasive and dangerous. A person with this frame of mind is always ready to cover up his bad deeds or make them seem less onerous than they really are. The person does this at the expense of reason and logic. He ceases to think clearly. He only sees what serves his selfish interests, what absolves him from blame and responsibility. 

In his mind, the fault is always someone else's. Worse still, it is never just an innocent mistake. That other person is always deliberately and maliciously in the wrong and without any excuse. 

When we let our thoughts take us in this dangerous direction, we cease to be self-critical. Instead of acknowledging our mistakes and resolving to avoid them in the future, we become determined to commit the same mistake again and again. 

The most serious problem is a person's ability to justify to himself his deliberate errors and misdeeds. It is possible for a person to convince himself that his worst transgressions and acts of injustice are true and correct. He can reconcile in his mind the most blatant contradictions with far-fetched interpretations that make integrity and deception synonymous terms. He ceases to distinguish his rights from the rights of others, his personal interests from the needs of society. 

The self-justifying mind is one of oversimplifications. It is also very dismissive. It plays down the harm that one's bad and selfish deeds causes for other people, for society, and for the environment. When it cannot deny that harm, it always finds a way to rationalize it. By doing so, it belies the basic values and ethics that the person would otherwise be very well aware of and that are essential for the proper functioning of human society. 

Turning a blind eye to one's mistakes is an easy way to avoid guilty feelings and a sense of responsibility. However, this means that those mistakes will never be confronted and remedied. They invariably becoming larger, uglier, and more deeply-entrenched over time. Ignoring mistakes or justifying them does not make those mistakes go away. The only way we can make positive changes within ourselves is to be true to ourselves and in our dealings with others.

Criticism - The creativity Killer?

Ideally speaking, Criticism is the act of analyzing someone or something (such as an article, video, book, product  service etc) with the intention of improving personnel, product or services. However in the day to day life, you will meet so many people criticizing with the negative intentions. For example they do this to defame, discourage and de-motivate others. So it is usually used in negative sense although criticizing does not necessarily means to find fault. In this article I shall give my comments in two categories. First, when you are being criticized and second when you are criticizing:

 

1-  When you are being criticized:

a)    Take it positive. There is  a chance that your well wisher has rightly drawn your attention to something for which there is a dire need for improvement. If this is the case, be grateful to the person who helped you identified the aspect of improvement and move towards the corrective actions.

b)   There is a chance that the criticism is being done just to depress you. Analyze is carefully. If required, seek advice from some friend or colleague about this negative feedback. If feedback meant to be good, see point-1 else shun it right way not allowing you to disturb your peace of mind.

 

 

2-  When you are criticizing someone/something:

a)    Always remember that negative criticism results in generation of negative energies so try to criticize in a positive and encouraging manager. Do not become the 'full-stop' for someone's creativity.

b)   Whenever you are about to criticize; ask yourself whether your intention is to help assist the person or you are just going to spread negativity which will consequently result in corrosion on someone's creative skills.

c)    If you really want to criticize someone, do it in an encouraging way. Try to give your comments in multiple groups so that the person understands your feedback and segregate it easily so that he can transform your suggestions in to corrective actions.

d)   Remember the fact that the act of complaining is taking criticism to the next level which is even more damaging and dangerous. So try to remain inside the limits of criticism instead of complaints.

 

Having said that, there are bad mouthed people who are in habit of constant criticism, regardless of their mental comprehension of things. Be aware of them. They are polluting not only themselves but the environment as well and ultimately impacting you, your product, your skills and/or your services. They are spreading negativity.

Closing my article with the famous quote that says "Instead of criticizing others, become the change you wish to see in the world"