Wednesday, January 9, 2013

Positive Thinking Through Self talk


s you received.

  • Personalizing. When something bad occurs, you automatically blame yourself. For example, you hear that an evening out with friends is canceled and you assume that the change in plans is because no one wanted to be around you.

  • Catastrophizing. You automatically anticipate the worst. You refuse to go out with friends for fear that you'll make a fool of yourself. Or one change in your daily routine leads you to think the entire day will be a disaster.
  
  • Polarizing. You see things only as good or bad, black or white. There is no middle ground. You feel that you have to be perfect or that you're a total failure.


You can learn positive thinking
Instead of giving in to negative self-talk, weed out misconceptions and irrational thinking and then challenge them with rational, positive thoughts. When you do this, your self-talk will gradually become realistic and self-affirming — you engage in positive thinking.
You can learn to turn negative thinking into positive thinking. The process is simple, but it takes time and practice — you are creating a new habit, after all.
Periodically during the day, stop and evaluate what you're thinking. If you find that your thoughts are mainly negative, try to find a way to put a positive spin on them.
Start by following one simple rule: Don't say anything to yourself that you wouldn't say to anyone else. Examples of typical negative self-talk and how you might apply a positive thinking twist include:
Negative self-talk
Positive spin
I've never done it before. It's an opportunity to learn something new.
It's too complicated. I'll tackle it from a different angle.
I don't have the resources. Necessity is the mother of invention.
There's not enough time. Let's re-evaluate some priorities.
There's no way it will work. I can try to make it work.
It's too radical a change. Let's take a chance.
No one bothers to communicate with me. I'll see if I can open the channels of communication.
I'm not going to get any better at this. I'll give it another try.
Practicing positive thinking every day
If you tend to have a negative outlook, don't expect to become an optimist overnight. But with practice, eventually your self-talk will automatically contain less self-criticism and more self-acceptance. You may also become less critical of the world around you.
Practicing positive self-talk will improve your outlook. When your state of mind is generally optimistic, you're able to handle everyday stress in a constructive way. That ability may contribute to the widely observed health benefits of positive thinking.

source: unknown

Want Allah to Forgive You? Forgive Others

By Sheikh Salman al-Oudah

If we want Allah to forgive us, we should be forgiving of others and willing to overlook their wrongs. This is part of what it means to be good to others. Allah describes his believing servants as 

"those who restrain their anger and are pardoning towards people." He then says: "Indeed, Allah loves those who do good." [Noble Quran 3:134]

Indeed, Allah says:

"And let not those of you who possess wealth and abundance swear against giving to the near of kin and the poor and those who have had to emigrate for Allah's sake. They should forgive and forebear. Do you not love that Allah should forgive you? And Allah is Forgiving, Merciful." [Noble Quran 24:22]

Righteous deeds of all kinds bring us closer to Allah, but especially kindness to others. We should show kindness to all creatures as well as to human beings, whether this kindness comes in the form of our personal behavior, our sharing of our wealth, giving assistance with our abilities and our influence, or praying to Allah on their behalf. We need to especially consider the disenfranchised, the widows and orphans, and the poor.

The Prophet (Peace and blessings be upon him) said: There was a merchant who used to extend credit to people. If he found one of his customers to be in straightened means, he would say to his assistants: "Forgive them their debt, perhaps Allah will forgive us." Allah did forgive him. [Sahih Al-Bukhari (2078) and Sahih Muslim (1562)]

Pardon, tolerance, and magnanimity should exemplify the way we treat one another. We should be willing to overlook the faults of others. We should even be willing at times to waive some of our rights. We should not always demand everything that is due to us. All relationships are a matter of give and take.

This applies to everyone we have dealings with. It is the way things should be between the husband and wife, between parents and children, between teachers and students, and between governors and the governed. In each of these relationships, there are clearly defined rights and duties, and we should do our best to fulfill them. However, in every relationship, people fall short at times. Forgiveness, forbearance, and pardon bring harmony and love into our relationships.

Imagine a marriage based solely on accounting for rights and obligations. Would there be any love or mercy in such a marriage, any room for tenderness and affection?

Tolerance and magnanimity, stabilize those relationships and bolster the esteem and human worth that people have for one another. By Allah's grace, these qualities make our dealings more successful, and certainly make our dealings more pleasing to Allah.

Sixty Tips From Quran

1. Respect and Honour All Human Beings irrespective Of Their Religion, Colour, Race, Sex, Language, Status, Property, Birth, Profession / Job And So On [17/70] 

2. Talk Straight, To The Point,
Without Any Ambiguity Or Deception [33/70]

3. Choose Best Words To Speak And Say Them in The Best Possible Way [17/53, 2/83]

4. Do Not Shout. Speak Politely Keeping Your Voice Low. [31/19]

5. Always Speak The Truth. Shun Words That Are Deceitful And Ostentatious [22/30]

6. Do Not Confound Truth With Falsehood[2/42]
7. Say With Your Mouth What is in Your Heart [3/167]

8. Speak in A Civilised Manner in A Language That is Recognised By The Society And is Commonly Used [4/5]

9. When You Voice An Opinion, Be Just, Even if it is Against A Relative [6/152]

10. Do Not Be A Bragging Boaster [31/18]

11. Do Not Talk, Listen Or Do Anything Vain [23/3, 28/55]

12. Do Not Participate in Any Paltry. If You Pass Near A Futile Play, Then Pass By With Dignity [25/72]

13. Do Not Verge Upon Any immodesty Or Lewdness Whether Surreptitious Or Overt [6/151].

14. If, Unintentionally, Any Misconduct Occurs By You, Then Correct Yourself Expeditiously [3/134].

15. Do Not Be Contemptuous Or Arrogant With People [31/18]
16. Do Not Walk Haughtily Or With Conceit [17/37, 31/18]

17. Be Moderate in Thy Pace [31/19]

18. Walk With Humility And Sedateness[25/63]

19. Keep Your Gazes Lowered Devoid Of Any Lecherous Leers And Salacious Stares[24/30-31, 40/19].

20. If You Do Not Have Complete Knowledge About Anything, Better Keep Your Mouth Shut. You Might Think That Speaking About Something Without Full Knowledge is A Trivial Matter. But it Might Have Grave Consequences [24/15-16]

21. When You Hear Something Malicious About Someone, Keep A Favourable View About Him/Her Until You Attain Full Knowledge About The Matter. Consider Others innocent Until They Are Proven Guilty With Solid And Truthful Evidence[24/12-13]

22. Ascertain The Truth of any news, lest you smite someone in ignorance and afterwards repent of what you did [49/6]

23. Do not follow blindly any information of which you have no direct knowledge. (Using your faculties of perception and conception) you must verify it for yourself. In the Court of your Lord, you will be held accountable for your hearing, sight, and the faculty of reasoning [17/36].

24. Never think that you have reached the final stage of knowledge and nobody knows more than yourself. Remember! Above everyone endowed with knowledge is another endowed with more knowledge[12/76]. Even the Prophet [PBUH] Was asked to keep praying,
 "O My Sustainer! Advance me in knowledge." [20:114]

25. The believers are but a single Brotherhood. Live like members of one family, brothers and sisters unto one another [49/10].

26. Do not make mockery of others or ridicule others [49/11]

27. Do not defame others [49/11]

28. Do not insult others by nicknames[49/11]
29. Avoid suspicion and guesswork. Suspicion and guesswork might deplete your communal energy [49/12]
30. Spy not upon one another [49/12]

31. Do not backbite one another [49/12]

32. When you meet each other, offer good wishes and blessings for safety. One who conveys to you a message of safety and security and also when a courteous greeting is offered to you, meet it with a greeting still more courteous or (at least) of equal courtesy [4/86]

33. When you enter your own home or the home of somebody else, compliment the inmates [24/61]

34. Do not enter houses other than your own until you have sought permission; and then greet the inmates and wish them a life of blessing, purity and pleasure [24/27]

35. Treat kindly -Your parents-Relatives-The orphans-And those who have been left alone in the society [4/36]

36. Take care of -The needy,-The disabled-Those whose hard earned income is insufficient to meet their needs-And those whose businesses have stalled -And those who have lost their jobs. [4/36]

37. Treat kindly -Your related neighbours, and unrelated neighbours-Companions by your side in public gatherings, or public transportation. [4/36]

38. Be generous to the needy wayfarer, the homeless son of the street,and the one who reaches you in a destitute condition[4/36]

39. Be nice to people who work under your care. [4/36]
40. Do not follow up what you have given to others to afflict them with reminders of your generosity [2/262].

41. Do not expect a return for your good behaviour, not even thanks [76/9]

42. Cooperate with one another in good deeds and do not cooperate with others in evil and bad matters [5/2]

43. Do no try to impress people on account of self-proclaimed virtues [53/32]

44. You should enjoin right conduct on others but mend your own ways first. Actions speak louder than words. You must first practice good deeds yourself, then preach [2/44]

45. Correct yourself and your families first [before trying to correct others] [66/6]

46. Pardon gracefully if anyone among you who commits a bad deed out of ignorance, and then repents and amends[6/54, 3/134]

47. Divert and sublimate your anger and potentially virulent emotions to creative energy, and become a source of tranquillity and comfort to people [3/134]

48. Call people to the Way of your Lord with wisdom and beautiful exhortation. Reason with them most decently [16/125]

49. Leave to themselves those who do not give any importance to the Divine code and have adopted and consider it as mere play and amusement [6/70]

50. Sit not in the company of those who ridicule Divine Law unless they engage in some other conversation [4/140]

51. Do not be jealous of those who are blessed [4/54]
52. In your collective life, make rooms for others [58/11]

53. When invited to dine, Go at the appointed time. Do not arrive too early to wait for the preparation of meal or linger after eating to engage in bootless babble. Such things may cause inconvenience to the host [33/53]

54. Eat and drink [what is lawful] in moderation [7/31].
55. Do not squander your wealth senselessly [17/26]

56. Fulfil your promises and commitments [17/34]

57. Keep yourself clean, pure [9/108, 4/43, 5/6].

58. Dress-up in agreeable attire and adorn yourself with exquisite character from inside out [7/26]

59. Seek your provision only by fair endeavour [29/17, 2/188]
60. Do not devour the wealth and property of others unjustly, nor bribe the officials or the judges to deprive others of their possessions [2/188]

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